Autism-World

As a homeschooling mother of an autistic son, I strongly believe that having him at home is the best thing for him and our family. However, each child is unique – with austistic spectrum disorders two children with the exact same diagnosis will be drastically different. Having my son home gives him the chance to reach his fullest potentional academically. He is extremely bright, but has so many struggles with sensory issues, social issues, anxiety, and confusion that he would be unable to learn well in a classroom environment. Plus, at home he is learning to feel comfortable about who he is, where as, around a classroom full of children he tends to compare and find himself wanting. His self-image suffers greatly in some situations. At home, he feels intelligent and it is easy to teach him anything if you wrap it in his current “interest” (autistics tend to be obsessed with different subjects). When he was little all we had to do was get the word dinosaur into a problem and he would figure it out. Now his interests are history, geography, and numbers – which means he is constantly learning.

As a homeschooler, I don’t get breaks from his “meltdowns”, or confusions, and that is hard – I would even go so far as to suggest that a mother seriously consider her ability to handle her child’s disability before she considers homeschooling – not that it is unwise, it’s just a commitment. Making the change to a homeschool situation will be hard just because it is a change – and change is hard for these kids – but in the long run, it will decrease the stress and add a level of enjoyment these children often don’t know is available. Think about the pure joy involved in getting to spend your day wrapped in the subject that frees you – suppose it’s flags. You add flags in math, you study them for geography and history (while learning related facts as well), you read about them to practice your reading skills, you spell the names of their different countries to learn spelling rules, you make them for art, you make up your own for creativity and imagination exercises (a big deal and complicated thing for an autistic) – it is a smorgasbord of learning. Now add to that, the lack of sensory confusion and distraction – the environment is set up for your particular child’s needs – no lights that are too bright, no noises that set off meltdowns, no proximity issues with other children, no bullies, no misunderstandings with teachers or peers – it is an amazing freedom.

The fact that my son has a stable place to learn about social skills is one of the biggest reasons we homeschool. I can control what goes on as he learns to understand the complexities that surround social interactions. He has activities outside of academics like other children – piano lessons and church activities, but he also has different therapies he attends regularly, and I’ve actually found it’s easier to schedule these as a homeschooler – we don’t have to wait for “the rush” of afterschool hours. Normally, his extra-curricular activities are in the late morning or early afternoon – which is easier on everyone involved. Plus, where else but homeschooling can you be making an art project and talk about the fall of Rome as it relates to the world today? Who else other than homeschoolers even think of things like that – and my son just turned nine! Imagine what he will think about as a teenager! Plus, the entire time we discuss something like that he is learning important social skills. He begins the conversation (something he was unable to do just a year or so ago), he continues it in response to my questions – while he still tends to monologue (he has very little ability to know when someone is done listening), he’s actually come a long way.

Having him home – having him in my life – has greatly impacted who I am, and what I do. When your child has autism, it’s not just him, the entire family has autism. It effects what you are able to do, where you go, how you live, how you plan – it permeates the family. But it also gives wisdom… It opens your eyes to the beauty of difference. The unbelievable feeling of knowing a world that is like the one we live in, yet drastically different. It’s like living on the other side of the “looking glass” – it is a reflection of our world, but one that is brighter (painfully so), louder (painfully so), where everything is felt more (confusingly so) – it is a different reality, and it has a lot to show us about life. This is not something that can really be understood from the outside – words cannot really explain it. It is the essence of poetry – pure imagery, yet purely life. Having my son in my home gives me great advantages in the realm of love – I have learned the art of true acceptance, and I understand what love really is. The one thing it is not – it is not easy. There is no room for selfishness, there is no room for pride, there is no room for ambition – all of that is gone. I may never get to finish my dream degree, I may walk into the fish department of a store on accident and catch the disapproving stares of all those around me as my son “melts-down” due to the intensity of the aroma, I may remain outside “normal” social circles as I remain close to my son – but I have no regrets. Life with him is worth far more than these temporary drawbacks. My husband and I have learned to be flexible, the dream-outing, could become a nightmare – but it’s worth the try for the possibility of the glow on our son’s face when he does something he knew would be hard, but really wanted to do – like a children’s museum. So we continue to try – daily we wake up and keep going.

Our younger son is learning the importance of acceptance as well – at five-and-a-half he already understands what it is like to be different, and appreciates it. Of course, since he struggles with some things as much as his brother, it makes for interesting sibling relationships (in some ways they both play the role of big and little brother, just at different times) – but they both are learning from that, and they are very close. When my husband and I are no longer here, they will be there for eachother. We are all actually closer because of autism. It is strange to say, but it is true, we are a very involved, very close family. My husband even works from home. Our life is family-centered, and it runs at a much slower pace than the rest of the world. We have the time to watch the snow fall and marvel at it, we have the time to rake leaves and jump in them, we have the time to snuggle with a cat and listen to the magic of its purr – and this is a direct result of autism in our family. I’m not saying that you can’t achieve this slow pace and quality of life without autism in the home, nor am I saying that every autistic’s family is like mine – but this is how we arrived where we are at – autism has formed our family into a wonderful thing – despite the sadness that can overwhelm us at times, and despite the frustrations most families wouldn’t understand. We are one of the many families with autism (1 in 166 children now have autism according to the most recent statistics), and we are unique because of it. While there are days when I dream of a life without the chaos autism can cause, and I wonder what my son could accomplish without this disability, but in reality, in my most sane and calm moments, I am not angry at autism for changing us. I am resigned, and we have made a new life out of the loss of the dream one we had planned. It is not easy, but it is good – and it does have advantages …. in the realms of wisdom and love.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 26th, 2007 at 11:52 am and is filed under Autism Stories.