Autism-World

Ask:I’ve noticed some troubling red flags displayed by my toddler son and fear he may have autism. I’m not jumping to conclusions yet and I made an appointment to see a pediatric psychologist to see if that’s true. The waiting now is killing me. I’m wondering how I can deal with all of my emotions about this. I’m terrified of the diagnosis of autism. However, I know that if he does have autism, an early intervention and treatment is critical. When I first saw a list of autism symptoms, I nearly threw up because so many of them described my son. How does a parent cope with this?

Answer 1:Well to start I’m fourteen, so I don’t have any children

But my mum’s friend had trouble conceiving so they had IVF and gave birth to a girl, later she discovered she was pregnant again, naurally, she was thrilled!

When she gave birth the nurses immediately noticed that there was something different about her son, he was diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome. She seemed to cope well considering the shock and since my mum is a Special Needs Assistant working in a school for the severe and profound she offered her much guidance and support.

She was coping really well and was very enthuastic when it came to teaching him things, and was always pround to show off his new talents. She began to notice things, he loved to sing and dance so she taught him loads of Norweigian songs, though he couldn’t pronounce words fully he always recognises the song and humms along.

Sorry if this hasn’t seemed relevant so far, but last year he was diagnosed with autism, so you can imagine the blow that took, but she still is so proud of what he can do and has such a great connection with him.

Answer 2:No parent wants to hear any diagnosis that will have a signifigant impact on their child’s life. Autism can be particularly scarey. While the frequency grows, many people still don’t understand it, thinking that all autistic people are like Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rain Man. Parents do know however that autism has no “cure” which means this is something that will have an impact no only on the child’s entire life, but on the dreams and hopes the parent’s had for both the child and for thier own lives. It is very, very overwhelming.

That being said, the first thing you do is cry. There is no shame in crying. The image that you have had of your child..both the child as he is now and the dreams (no matter how far fetched then may be) of that child in the future..have been dramatically changed. You need to grieve that loss. Give yourself time to work through that feeling and put it into perspective. It will never fully go away… even though you will love your child just as much as ever, will still have hopes and dreams for them..but it will become a bittersweet moment, much like the feeling you get over the lost chance with the boy in high school.

Next, surround yourself with people you know, love and trust. These are the people you will count on in the future. These are the people who will be there to tell that you are a good mother, that you did not cause this and that you are doing everything you possibly can for your child. These are the people you will bounce ideas off of, that you will ask to help you find services or to give you much needed breaks. And once you have these people, make use of them. Autism can be tough on marriages. You and your husband must make time for the two of you to be a couple, not just the parents of an autistic child and your support group is going to be key.

Now you can start gathering some information. The internet provides more information than most people realize. I always advise parents with a new diagnosis to stick to sites from nationally recognized groups such as ARC, National Autism Society and Cure Autism Now. These sites provide strong, basic knowledge about autism as well as links to support groups and services in your area. For now, you may want to stay away from sites built and dedicated to the family of one child or designed to be forums or message boards. While you may eventually find these sites great places fo practical suggestions on daily life with a special needs child, in the beginning the postings that will stand out most will be the ones that tell about the most extreme problems, the worst case scenarios, the failure of the school systems. Yes, all of this can occur, but for right now you need to get information that will help you understand how much your child can do and achieve, not how hard it can be to get there.

Finally, consider finding a therapist to help you during this initial period. There will be a lot of challanges in the near future. Your husband may have a harder time accepting the news or be unavialable because of professional obligations. You may feel guilt and confusion. All of this is normal, but it can help to have an objective listner there to support YOU as you start to adapt to this change.

Know that even after all of this, there will still be days that make you wonder “Why us?” or wish for a more normal life. That is all perfectly normal. You will cry, be angry, be scared over and over, but you will quickly find out you are not alone. There are millions of families with autistic children. While it is not the life we dreamed of living when our child entered the world, we quickly realize it is the life we were meant to live. We can’t imagine our lives being any different than they are and most of us would not really want them to be. Our kids are loving, sensitive, funny, challanging, gifted and unique. They help us see the wonder in the world, force us to look at things from new perspectives and find new solutions to old problems. Your life will be forever changed…and you will wonder how you manged your old life.

Stay strong and focus on the positives, he’s still your son, and he will always love you ~*~

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 13th, 2007 at 12:19 pm and is filed under Ask and answer.