Autism-World

Q: My son(with autism) is a very smart and funny 9yr old. I have a problem controling his outburst(tantrums). He will let himself go over the deep end and then take his frustration out on his 3 yr old sister. Any advice?

Answer:

I have asperger’s myself and I can tell you for a fact that traditional behavior control techniques will not work or will have disastrous and permanent negative consequences for him.

First off, you must realize that he thinks differently than you neurotypical types. What may be a trivial thing to you may be the world to him.

The main thing you need to realize is that change, even a small one, can be so emotionally overwhelming to an aspie that outbursts and even self mutilation can result. Just so you know, Cho , the Virginia Tech gunman, suffered from aspergers.

For example, when I was his age, I used the same pen for everything and I carried it with me everywhere I went. When it finally ran out of ink, instead of throwing it out, I kept it. It was nothing more than a 10 cent bic. To lose such a valued object was unthinkable.

In your case, you need to be punishing his older sister and not him. She is the one causing the problem and not him. Maybe she’s doing something that is pushing his buttons. Maybe he is doing something that is causing her to retaliate.

Also, if the rift between the two cannot be healed, he will learn to associate all women as being the enemy. Its rare for aspies to marry. If things don’t change, he never will.

Aspies are social klutzes as a rule. Its possible that sister is perceiving something he is doing as being deliberately unkind. She needs to be taught how to deal with him when that happens. She needs to try to get him to consider what he just did or said and figure out how it might be taken as being hurtful. Only when he realizes that something is bad will it stop.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, November 15th, 2007 at 12:26 pm and is filed under Autism Education Issues.